I was in the shower this morning, and I started thinking about “The Past.” In November, and on my due date to be exact (November 21), it will be three years since I started this blog. Three very interesting years. In that time I have done a lot of growing, a lot of maturing, and of course I’ve learned a ton about knitting too. Most of the personal growth stemmed from me leaving my ex-husband in January 2008, and starting my life over again. Since then, I have gotten divorced, and begun this great relationship with my spouse, Neil. I am almost 6 months pregnant now, and I couldn’t believe that I had come full circle since I started writing about my humble knitting only about two and a half years ago.
I got started thinking about all this after listening to the latest Anatomy of Knitting Podcast. She got me thinking about the cats I had, and of course, I got all emotional and stuff. I didn’t cry, surprisingly, with all these hormones coursing through me, but I did find it hard to stop thinking about it. When I woke up this morning, my mind was still on the subject, and so I did something I have never done – I looked back to the beginnings of this blog to see what I wrote. I couldn’t do it. I saw pictures of my ex and the cats, and my former step son Brandon, and I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t read it, I couldn’t keep it, I couldn’t have that past attached to me anymore.
So, I’m sorry. I deleted them. All the posts up until when I changed the name of this blog from WA Knit Wit (for Washington Knit Wit) to WC Knit Wit, for West Coast Knit Wit, and explained why the change occurred. Everything from 2007, all the 13 posts, are gone, lost into cyber space now. I wish I could say that I maybe regretted that a little bit, but I don’t. It was necessary.
I’m about to start a new life soon. This baby, it will change everything. It will change my habits, my schedule, who I am as a person. I will explore so many new things about myself that I didn’t know. I’m sure I will discover deep down the patience I never thought I had, and the love that I have in my heart. But I can’t extend that love, that acceptance to my ex. I can’t have him attached to me anymore, no matter how vague that connection was. I feel better now that I’ve trimmed those posts, and that part of my life off my blog.
In a way, it kind of feels like a fresh start, and I hope you will all understand why I did it. I’ve moved on, and I think it was high time that my blog showed that too. Yes, it was part of my past, but I think it’s one of those parts that is better if it only exists in my memories, and the memories of the friends and family who were with me during that time period.
And for the record, I still miss my cats. I hope they are doing okay.