I feel like my head is spinning, so much has been happening this month. And it’s more than half over already?
So the trip of a lifetime, Disneyland, is over, and I have finally caught up on my sleep, emails, my friend’s lives, and my own of course. My sunburn has settled down for the most part into the beginnings of an acceptable tan, and it looks like summer may finally start arriving to the west coast of BC. The sunny days are getting more frequent, and the rain is starting to subside and get lighter. And during this transitional season, I can’t help thinking about my own personal transitions.
Knitting has been for the most part these past few weeks, at the bottom of my priority list. Family vacation, a possible change of job, and discussing plans for the future with my boyfriend have become top priority these days. I feel that being back in my home country now for a year and a half, and having mostly finished dealing with the post-marital drama that was thrust upon me, I feel like I can really start to move forward with things.
I have been trying to make some changes in my life, and these changes are requiring a lot of reflection time on my own, and with the people I care for. My mom, my boyfriend, and a small selection of friends have been helping me to bounce around ideas and get perspective. I feel very inspired, and yet still very stuck. I still have no full driver’s license, so my opportunities are limited to within the city limits, yet I will have it soon, which makes certain things possible in only a couple short months. I am still in debt, yet it will be paid off soon, which will free up a good chunk of my income which wasn’t available to me before. And I now have purchased a bike, which will make getting around town a lot easier, and will also give me the added exercise I’ve wanted, without doing damage to my knees and shins like running was doing.
In some ways, I feel that at my age, I have experienced and done things that most people my age, especially women, haven’t done. And I have been in scary situations that I am proud to say I’ve survived. Yet, there are things that I am so far behind in. I have never experienced the joy of driving on my own, or the thrill of owning my first car. I have been a stepmom before, and it appears that I will again, yet I have never known what its like to be pregnant and have my own baby. I feel like I have almost done things backwards, and the amount of regret I feel because of it is quite depressing. Sometimes these experiences make me feel proud, and at others, like I’m subpar, and trying too hard.
I think part of this is just because I’m young and haven’t come into myself yet, and I know that the only thing that will cause this to change is time. I suppose the only thing I really can do is just take life one day at a time, continue to spend that time reflecting and thinking and discussing, and hopefully, things will click here pretty soon.
Yes, I know this has nothing to do with knitting, but I thought that maybe this post might provide a good enough explanation for why I haven’t been producing any projects or photos of my work worth showing. LOL!